Thursday, April 2, 2009

The "Big D."

Here is my recent response to a friend's blog:

Thanks for writing this, Log. I’m happy that you have been such a great source of support for your friends.

Speaking from experience, I agree that getting married in your early twenties is not the best idea. Most of us are still finding our way and forming our identities at this time.

I also believe, as you do, that communication is key in any type of relationship. If you don’t tell someone what you want or need, you certainly won’t get it.

I have to draw the line, however, at your comment about abuse being the only reason to end a marriage. I, for one, know that I was not the best parent, nor the best person, I could be towards the end of my relationship. As I grew and changed over the years, my spouse stayed the same, and became unable to meet my needs on any level. My heart turned away from him as a result. No amount of counseling can fix that. It is extremely difficult to be with someone who cares about maybe half of what is meaningful to you at any given time.

Should I, a passionate, intelligent, purpose-driven person, have forced myself to stay in a marriage that was killing my spirit a little every day and sending me spiraling into depression? Should I have resigned myself to the fact that I would never again experience love or fulfillment or let’s face it … intimacy, just because I wasn’t being “abused” by someone else’s definition of the word?

While I don’t want my children growing up to think that they should just give up on any relationship without trying, I also want to raise them in the knowledge that they can always strive for more. I want them to have a strong female role model, someone who can help them become well-rounded people because SHE is one.